In the last couple of weeks, our computer broke, our dishwasher broke, our chicken broke and I broke.
Our computer contracted a virus that has proved difficult to fix, but Matt is making progress on it as evidenced by the fact that I'm able to write a blog post.
Our dishwasher decided its workload was too heavy and so it went on strike. It wouldn't complete its cycle, leaving us with dingy dishes. Often times we run the dishwasher twice a day, so this was no small problem. Matt did some research on the internet and after he discussed it with me, we both decided a faulty electrical panel was the cause of the problem. He ordered the expensive new part, replaced it and the cycle still did not complete. We finally ended up having an appliance repairman take a look at the dishwasher and he found a tiny piece of lint that was blocking one of the hoses. We now have a working dishwasher. Yay!
Our
friendly white chicken broke. She lost a great number of her feathers and looked positively UGGGLY. I thought she should meet her Maker so as not to infect the other chickens with her sickness, but Matt thought we should give her a chance. Low and behold, she grew back her feathers. She'd probably gotten a little stressed when the twenty five little chicks became chickens and she had to integrate (or ingratiate?) herself into the new clique. Cluck. Cluck.
Lastly, I broke. Matt and I were happy to find out that I was pregnant at the beginning of November. Two weeks ago I went to the doctor's office for an ultrasound. My hormone levels (derived from a blood test) were such that my doctor expected to see a fetal pole on the ultrasound. We both expected to see a heartbeat. Unfortunately, we saw neither. The doctor told Matt and me that I was miscarrying. We were devastated. We longed for that baby as much as we longed for our firstborn, Grace. As my doctor said, "There's no such thing as a 'little' miscarriage." The doctor thought my body would take care of things naturally and that I wouldn't need a D and C. He was right, my body began to take care of things on its own and I thanked the Lord for His mercy.
Last Friday, however, I started to bleed very heavily and Matt had to take me to the ER. Two years ago, at the exact same time of year (one week before Christmas) I had been in that same ER. I was newly pregnant with Jude and they told me I was miscarrying. It turned out they were wrong. God had
different plans.
The similarities between my ER visit two years ago and last week's ER visit were startling. I had the same nurse. I had the same doctor. (The hospital is big enough that the likelihood of this happening is pretty slim.) I was walking the same path I had walked two years ago, except this time I knew the outcome would be very different. The doctor had to do a D and C to get my bleeding to stop.
I've been processing all of this with the Lord and I know He will be faithful to show me what I need to know when I need to know it. Is God still God? Yes, He is. This miscarriage was not a surprise to Him. Is God still good? Yes, He is. "This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all." (1 Jn. 1:4-6) The Lord will use this experience for my good (
Rom. 8:28) and His sovereign purposes. Does God still love me? He most certainly does. He sent His only Son to become a vulnerable little baby, to grow up and trod this sinful place called earth and then to die on the cross for me. "Greater love has no one than this, that he
lay down his life for his friends." (Jn 15:13).
Yesterday in church our pastor preached on the little town of Bethlehem. She was so small and insignificant, hardly even worthy to be counted among the tribes of Judah (
Micah 5:2), yet she would be the birthplace of the Messiah. Pastor said, "Even though it may not seem like it, God has not overlooked you." His words pierced my heart. Then Pastor went on to read this verse, "Death is swallowed up in victory. O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting? The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." (1 Cor. 15:55-57) This verse is the one verse that the Holy Spirit has brought to my mind over and over again these last two weeks. God is indeed good. He is faithful and He loves and protects His own. He has shown His love for me through the many family and friends who have been such a support to us in the last couple of weeks.
I had a dear friend say this to me the other day: "Boy, you're going to have a glorious Home-going, aren't you?" Indeed I will have a glorious Home-going. I will see my sweet Jesus and my two little babies. In the meantime, I have work to do here on earth. (
Ephes. 2:10)
My Christmas "To Do" list has been completely neglected. The annual Christmas picture has not been taken, cards have not been mailed, presents have yet to be wrapped and baking has yet to be done. These last couple of weeks, against my usual nature, I have chosen the better portion, sitting at the feet of Jesus in prayer and reading His word. I've cuddled my six beautiful children and my wonderful husband and I've been eagerly anticipating my Lord's Advent. Our family will most certainly have a very Merry Christmas.
"Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. 'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul, 'Therefore I will hope in Him!' " Lamentations 3:22-24
This Christmas I also re-received the gift Jesus so willing gave me and I remembered that I've been bought with a price, so I willingly give my life back to Him. "But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you. My power is made perfect in weakness.' " (2 Cor. 12:9)
