Faith or Fear?

I had another ultrasound last Friday. Normally, I would not have an ultrasound at twenty five weeks, but it was per my doctor's orders. My twenty week ultrasound showed that all was well with the baby, except for one thing--the doctor spotted a bit of fluid around the baby's heart. He told me not to worry, but that he did want to check the baby's heart in another month.

The doctor also told me he could refer me to a specialist, if I so desired. I asked him what the benefit of an early diagnosis would be. He said the only benefit would be if I decided I wanted to abort the baby. We had just seen our sweet baby's face on the ultrasound. He already looks like his brothers. My doctor knows me well. I flatly said, "No way." He told me he was in agreement with me. (I do so love my doctor. He is very pro-life. He also isn't one bit flummoxed when I refuse all the genetic testing they like to do these days. He knows as well as I do that the tests often produce false positives. He also knows that the tests will not change my mind about continuing with a pregnancy.)

I tried not to worry while I waited during the weeks before the second ultrasound. I tried to talk to myself logically. "I won't worry until there is something to worry about." Yet as the time grew nearer for the ultrasound, I did worry. I had bad dreams about the baby needing heart surgery in utero. I woke up during the night and begged the Lord that all would be well with baby's heart. I also thought about the man Jesus healed who was blind from birth.

And his disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" Jesus answered, "It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him." John 9:2-3

I was quite nervous the day before the ultrasound. That evening, I listened to Selah sing, "Be Still My Soul." I climbed into bed, said a prayer and rested peacefully all night. As Matt drove me to my appointment, I was quiet, but I was at peace. I waited past my appointment time in the doctor's office and I was still at peace. When I finally did get into the room and the new and inexperienced technician began the ultrasound, I still was at peace.

When the more experienced ultrasound tech took over, she zeroed in on baby's heart. I'm no expert, but I didn't see the fluid around his little beating heart anymore. Matt and I even got to see baby yawn. So precious. Life! Not a blob of tissue or a fetus, but a baby.

While I waited to see my doctor and go over the results of the ultrasound with him, I was at peace. When he did eventually burst into the room, he announced, "Everything looks great! The baby's heart is normal!" Thank you, Jesus.

Matt and I are so grateful to the Lord for the mercy He has shown us. Truly we are fearfully and wonderfully made. Yet, if our baby was diagnosed as having heart problems, we would have loved our baby and our Jesus just the same, because "in every change, He faithful will remain."