Holy Week 2013

We hosted our annual Passover Seder here on Tuesday night.  Since our church has a service on Maundy Thursday, we've been preparing our Seder meal earlier in the week for the past few years.  This year, Passover fell on Tuesday, so we opted for that day.

 We had a smaller crowd than usual (we only invited four guests) as Matt has had a very hectic work and travel schedule and my energy is at pregnancy level right now.  We still had a very nice time.  Isaac thoroughly enjoyed every bite of the ceremonial foods (yes, he even tried the parsley dipped in salt water and a bit of horseradish) as well as the actual dinner.  He was covered in grape juice, matzah and chocolate by the end of the evening.

One of our guests had never attended a Seder before and was very pleased to be a part of the evening.  During dinner, Paul played his favorite game with that particular guest.  The game is called "Name That Knife" and any man in any place at any time might be asked to play.  It starts when Paul says, "Do you have a knife in your pocket?"  When the man produces the knife and shows it to Paul, Paul proceeds to tell the name of the knife, it's manufacturer, it's length, the materials it was made with, whether it's a full tang or not and any unusual features it may possess.  In this case, Paul also knew the price and announced it to the entire table.  It was a very expensive knife.  An only slightly embarrassing revelation for his parents.  However, our guest was not offended, rather he was impressed with Paul's knowledge.  Now if we could get Paul to memorize his multiplication and division facts with such accuracy.

One of my friends passed on a good idea to me this year.  She said that after her Seder, she planned to strip the table of the white table cloth, flowers, china, etc. and then put a black table cloth on the table.  She had her Seder on Maundy Thursday, so the symbolism would have been very rich.  She plans to put the white table cloth back on her table tomorrow morning.  I opted to put the black table cloth on our dining room table with the help of the kids on the morning of Maundy Thursday.  We then read the appropriate devotions from Ann Voskamp's Easter Tree and placed the ornaments on the tree.

Last night, when Matt and I got home from Good Friday service, we gathered the kids in the living room and put the remaining ornaments concerning the Lord's death on the tree as Matt read the devotions.  Tonight we'll go to Macduff's for an Easter feast and a time of fellowship with family and friends.  Tomorrow, after church, we'll head to my aunt and uncle's farm for more of the same, plus the annual Easter clay pigeon shoot.  My guys can hardly wait.

We normally eat a nice Easter breakfast on Resurrection Day morning before we head to church.  We always sit at our kitchen table and I don't make much of an effort to make things pretty before we sit down.  This year though, I plan to put the white table cloth and the centerpiece of white flowers I used for the Seder on the dining room table and we will eat there. After all, it's a celebration.  We are free from the bondage of our sins and death because of Jesus' death and resurrection!  The Lord be praised!

Now after the Sabbath, toward the dawn of the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to see the tomb.  And behold, there was a great earthquake, for an angel of the Lord descended from heaven and came and rolled back the stone and sat on it.  His appearance was like lightning, and his clothing white as snow.  And for fear of him the guards trembled and became like dead men.  But the angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you seek Jesus who was crucified.  He is not here, for he has risen, as he said. Come, see the place where he lay.  Then go quickly and tell his disciples that he has risen from the dead, and behold, he is going before you to Galilee; there you will see him. See, I have told you.”  So they departed quickly from the tomb with fear and great joy, and ran to tell his disciples.  And behold, Jesus met them and said, “Greetings!” And they came up and took hold of his feet and worshiped him.  Then Jesus said to them, “Do not be afraid; go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee, and there they will see me.” Matt. 28:1-10

Beardless

Matt came home from work on my birthday back in January and disappeared into the bathroom.  He came out about twenty minutes later with a clean shaven face.  I was shocked, to say the least.  Matt started growing a beard right after Isaac was born.  I was never a big fan, but the rest of the family loved it.  My immediate reaction to his nice clean face was, "Oh! You look so much younger!" (Later I told him he looked liked the young man I married.)  He said,  "Well, I figured if I'm going to be a Daddy again, I'd better look the part."

By God's grace, we're expecting another little one--another boy to be exact.  Last week I had my twenty week ultrasound.  I was anxious.  I think with the difficulty I had last year, I was overly worried about the health of the baby.  However, as the ultrasound tech went over each part of the baby's anatomy, I marveled at the Lord's handiwork.  Each little vertebrae in the spine in its rightful spot, the radius and ulna bones already clearly seen, the stomach, the bladder, the brain.  Everything looked so good.  My doctor was very pleased and obviously, so are Matt and I.  The Lord be praised!  He is the Author and Creator of life and He has been very gracious to our family.

I think everyone was expecting this little one to be a girl.  I have to admit, even Matt and I thought that would be the case.  However, God had other plans and we trust in His sovereignty.  He is the One who chooses what children go in what families.  I'm pretty sure He's better at that than I am.  Our little guy was squiggling so much during the ultrasound that it wasn't until the very end that the tech got a good (albeit very quick) glance at his gender.  We have a picture to prove the fact.  As Matt and I headed out of the office, I said, "Well, at least you won't have to pay for another wedding, honey."  As for me, I'm getting used to dirt, rocks and sticks in my house.  I never though I'd say that, but it's true.  God works in mysterious ways. 

Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us,  to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.  Ephesians 3:20,21

Happy Birthday, Grandpa Tom!

Last Friday my parents were in town.  We celebrated my dad's birthday with a big dinner, cake, ice cream and gifts. My sister and niece joined us as well.  Lydia gave several hand made gifts to her Grandpa.  Actually, she was running a bit short on time and could only craft a card, so she gave him some pony bead creations that her older sisters and cousin made years ago.  We all got a good laugh from that.  It's the thought that counts, right?

My sister gave Dad a new golf vest.  He planned to wear it the very next day.  It's been a long winter sans golf, so my Dad is taking full advantage of the warmer spring weather these days.

My dad has requested that Grace take some pictures that he can hang up in his dental office.  We've been taking advantage of the online photo enlargement deals that have been posted on the coupon blogs.  We gave Dad two poster sized prints a couple of months ago.  We gave him an 11" X 14" enlargement of the barn on the family homestead for his birthday. I found a "barn wood" frame at Michaels in which to place it, so it turned out pretty neat.  A Happy Happy Birthday for Big Daddy (or Grandpa Tom, depending on how you're related).

Our Un PC Kids

I took Isaac and Jude to the pediatrician for well checks a couple of days ago.  We're still getting to know our new pediatrician and she's still getting to know us.  Everything was going swimmingly until the doctor asked Jude, "What's your favorite thing to play?"

"Guns," he said.  I quickly qualified his answer.  "He plays a lot of cowboys and Indians with his brothers."

I didn't mention that the boys have recently begun reenacting battles from WWII.  They always make their little thumb-sucking, ear-holding brother "be the Japanese."  Poor Isaac.  He doesn't know he's the enemy.

Joel is Six

Joel had a birthday a few weeks ago.  He enjoyed three different events to celebrate his turning another year older.  The first was on his actual birthday.  His godparents, Peggy and Floyd, joined us for Joel's favorite dinner--spaghetti and meatballs (made by his big sister, Grace).  Grace also made homemade French baguettes out of this book.  It was really good bread, "dangerously good," as Peggy put it.  Joel thought it was good, too.

The next night, we celebrated again with Grandpa Bob and Grandma Dianne as we honored all the family members with February birthdays.  The next weekend, we had Grandpa Tom, Grandma Jane, Auntie Em and cousin Raphaella here for another spaghetti and meatball dinner.  We were able to celebrate Grandma Jane's birthday, too.

Joel is still our little cowboy.  He was delighted to have received a new (toy) gun, a new cowboy shirt and a book about cowboys for his birthday.  It's a rare day when he isn't found wearing his mustache and cowboy hat.

Our boy has a bit of a stubborn streak in him, which can be trying for his parents.  He's recently discovered a new talent--whistling.  The family endured weeks of tuneless whistling until this past week, when Joel figured out how to whistle Johnny Horton's Sink the Bismarck.  

He also makes some of the most profound theological statements of anyone at the table during our dinner time discussions.  He's pretty sure he's too big for Momma kisses, but the the corners of his mouth always turn slightly northward when he gets one planted on his cheek. 

Fighting Depression

Last year was a tough one for me.  I had two miscarriages, the second of which was particularly traumatic.   I spent the majority of the year battling depression.  Grief is a part of life, but it's difficult to navigate.  When you start thinking about how much better it would be if you were in Heaven with your babies than it is to be down here on Earth, living the life the Good Lord gave you, you know you're depressed.  It's a scary place to be.  I didn't handle my depression perfectly by any means, but here's what I did do to combat it.
1.  Read my Bible daily.  This is a habit I picked up years ago.  New habits are very hard to form when one's life is turned upside down.  I'm quite sure I couldn't have started the daily habit of reading a few chapters a day had I not already had the practice ingrained within me.  Now let me say this--I didn't feel like reading my Bible, but I did it anyway.  Most days I was merely going through the motions.  I rarely felt the presence of God while reading my Bible.  However, I was replacing my own messed up thinking and the Devil's lies with God's truth.  My daily Bible reading kept me from going completely off the deep end.  I've mentioned before that I use Oswald Chambers' My Utmost Devotional Bible.  It's a no brainer for me first thing in the morning.  I don't have to follow some complicated reading plan, I just open it up and start reading where I left off the day before.  Providentially, I read the book of Job again during this difficult time.  For the first time, I felt like I could completely relate to Job.  But through all of his troubles, he never once denied His Lord.  Job clung to Him against all hope.
2.  Prayer.  Again, I didn't feel like praying, but I did it anyway.  My prayers were simple.  "This really hurts, Lord."  "I don't like this, Lord."  "Show me how to accept this, Lord."  "This hurts.  It really hurts."  Pouring my feelings out to the Lord was helpful.  I knew I could say anything to Him and I pretty much did.  Most days, I didn't feel like I was getting anywhere, but I kept praying, especially during the middle of the night, the only time the house is quiet and therefore, I am, too.  I know I also had many people praying for me.  I know their prayers availed much on my behalf.
3.  Dumped the Diet Coke.  This was HUGE for me.  I had had a daily Diet Coke habit for years.  I knew it wasn't good for me, but I drank it anyway.  I always had a bit of a downer around lunch time and a Diet Coke gave me a little lift.  Problem was, that Coke was usually accompanied by a headache an hour or two later.  Then I'd often drink another one before dinner, just to get myself through dinner prep.  All the latest news on the horrors of diet pop did nothing to dissuade me from drinking it.  There was no way I could be a Mommy without it.  I was hooked.  I went off of it cold turkey.  I haven't had a sip of pop for over a year.  I can't believe I just wrote that.  With what did I replace it?  Water, mostly and tea.
4.  Exercise. I'm sure I would have benefited from a hard core exercise program, but that was too daunting for me to implement in the mental state in which I found myself.  I knew if I just got my heart rate up for a little bit of time each day, I'd be better off.  I also knew that getting some endorphins going would help me fight the blues.  After I was physically recovered enough from each miscarriage, I started walking on the tread mill in the mornings.  Again, I certainly didn't feel like doing it, but I made myself do it anyway.  I watched half of an episode of All Creatures Great and Small (25-30 min.) then hopped off.  Not too much time was taken out of my day and the kids couldn't get into too much trouble in that amount of time.
5.  Talked to my mom.  Last summer, when I was going through the uncertainty of early pregnancy and then through a long, drawn out miscarriage, I talked with my mom every day on the phone.  I wouldn't have called her in the state I was in.  She made a point to call me.  Every.  Single.  Day.  She's had her fair share of miscarriages, so she knew what I was going through.  It helped to talk.  And cry.  It really helped to have her point me to the sovereignty of God and to His faithfulness.
6.  Got some sunshine.  Every day, I made an effort to get outside.  Usually in the late afternoons, after quiet time, I'd head out to the back porch and sit in my rocking chair.  Elizabeth made me a Chai latte (sweetened with Stevia) and I let the sunshine get into my eyeballs.  This was usually the time I talked with my mom on the phone.  The small respite gave me the energy to tackle dinner and the evening routine.
7. Listened to music.  I've written about this practice before, but it stands to be repeated.  I didn't let myself listen to secular music during this time of depression.  I only listened to God's music, mostly hymns.  The words of the old hymns are deeply theological and are balm to a wounded soul.  The CD I listened to over and over again was Stuart Neill's Of The Father's Love.  Again, I was replacing untruth with truth, which is vitally important in the battle against depression.
8.  Took my vitamins.  I've taken a multi-vitamin, vitamin C and vitamin D3 for years.  However, I added, on the recommendation of my doctor, Methyl B-12 (taken sublingually) and Deplin (L-methyl folate). I get the Methyl B-12 at the health food store.  Deplin is a prescription and contains the active form of folate.  My doctor estimates that up to 74 percent of women are affected by their body's inability to properly process folate (a B vitamin found in some foods and multi-vitamins), which is needed for the body to produce glutathione (an antioxidant the body uses to rid itself of toxins).  A mutation in the MTHFR gene causes fatigue, brain fog, joint pain and blue moods.  A blood test confirms whether or not the gene mutation is present.  Deplin has been a life changer for me.  I've actually been on Deplin since I had my 6 week postpartum check after I had Isaac.  I told my doctor that I didn't realize just how crummy I was feeling until I started taking the Deplin.  That's why I drank Diet Coke for years.  I was trying to combat the fatigue and brain fog that always plagued me.  My doctor upped my dose of Deplin after the miscarriage I had in February last year.  I'm convinced it was key to keeping me from completely losing my sanity.  A caveat--most insurances won't cover Deplin.  The same form of folate is also found in Neevo, a prescription prenatal vitamin. It's also available at some pharmacies in their vitamin sections.
9.  Practiced contentment.  Last summer while I was at the Food Conference and everyone made a beeline to Michelle Duggar after the ladies' tea. I headed straight to Beall Phillips.  I knew she had had a couple of miscarriages and I wanted to ask her about how she handled them.  I told her that I had suffered a miscarriage the previous February (I didn't know it yet, but I was pregnant again and would miscarry again) and that I was really having a hard time dealing with it.  She told me, ""You can be working towards a solution to your problem, you
can be praying about a solution to your problem and at the same time
you can be content."  She recommended that I look up a hymn called, "Whate'er My God Ordains is Right"
and also that I read a book written by a Puritan, Jeremiah Burroughs,
entitled, The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment.  This book is not light reading.  It's a thin book, but I have yet to finish it.  However, it's good--really good.  "I have learned to be content in whatever state I am. (Phil. 4:11).
10.  Praise and thanksgiving.  I had to force myself to do this one as well.  I certainly didn't feel like praising and thanking God, but I made myself do it.  The attitude (or feelings) follow the action.  I read Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts a couple of summers ago.  She encourages the practice of writing down the gifts that God has bestowed upon you.  This felt a little juvenile to me, like some elementary school assignment.  However, when I actually did it, it began to change my thinking.  God really was faithful.  He really was taking care of me.  He really had not forsaken me.  In my Bible study this past year, the Lord has shown me over and over again as verses keep popping off the pages of His Word that the key to joy in all circumstances is praise and thanksgiving.
Things I should have done, but didn't.
1.  Eliminate sugar from my diet. Our family has come a long way in the last few years in eliminating most processed foods from our diets, but sugar has not been one of those eliminations.  Store bought confections hold no sway over me, however, my daughters' homemade goodies get me every time.  Grace worked on a cinnamon roll recipe for an entire month not long ago and of course I had to taste test all her trial runs.  I know that kicking the sugar habit would have improved my mood.
2.  Journal my prayers.  I have kept a prayer journal in the past and it was one of the most spiritually enriched times in my life.  I got out of the habit and haven't made the effort to reinstate it, but I know from experience that the effort would have yielded much fruit.
During the months of my depression,  I did most everything I could have done to battle the blues.  God certainly cannot be discounted for the part He played, however, and neither can my husband.  Matt provided unending encouragement, support and unconditional love (even when I wasn't very loveable).  And without God's grace, His unconditional love, the covering of His feathers, I wouldn't have fared as well as I did.  When I realized my strength was not sufficient to figure everything out on my own,  I finally came to a place of surrender and dependence on the Lord, which is exactly where He wanted me.  I never came to a point where I  understand what the Lord was doing in my life, but I trusted Him who is faithful, who never forsakes those He loves.