The following post has been read and approved by Matt, although he would like to make it clear he's not some sort of Third World dictator on a power trip. He's just a man and a sinner, being sanctified by grace, as is his wife.
I realized I haven't written much about what the Lord is doing in my life lately. It's not that He isn't working on me, He is. Some of the work has been joyful and some has been quite painful, but I trust that all, in time, will produce the fruit the Lord intends.
I believe I've read and studied the equivalent of thirty college credit hours on the subjects of God's view of marriage and femininity in the past six months. Some of what the Lord has taught me through the study of His Word and the books I've read is intensely personal. The Lord (and Matt) have listened patiently to both my questions and my "aha!" moments. I've also been blessed to have a few women in my life who desire God's will in becoming the women God wants them to be. I've been able to have some good conversations with these women, and as "iron sharpens iron," we've all benefited from the discourse.
I've learned that marriage is a reflection of Christ and His Church. The Church (Christ's bride), whom Jesus died for, would never presume to be the head. If this pattern is to be applied to my marriage, I'm not to "take the reigns" and try to control the direction of the whole thing. My husband is my head. I'm his help meet and follower (though I'm no less intelligent, capable or equal in Christ). He, in turn, is to love me as Christ loves the Church, being willing to die for me and not lording his position over me (Ephes. 5:22-33, Col. 3:18, 1Cor. 11:3). I realize this is all very controversial in this day and age, but I also realize that over half of marriages (including Christian ones) end in divorce. Maybe this is part of the problem. As my Grandpa Paul used to say, "There's too many chiefs around here and not enough Indians."
The last couple of months, I've been trying to discern what and how the Lord would have me apply what I've learned. I've been convicted of bad attitudes, including ingratitude toward my husband. I've also been convicted of how at times my body language and facial expressions display my displeasure with his behavior. These seemingly small things are not lost on my children. They pick up on the lack of respect Mommy has for Daddy. As a result of the Holy Spirit's conviction, I've been keeping my mouth shut a whole lot more, working on keeping my eyes from rolling and generally trying to express my thankfulness and love toward my husband more often.
I can say that applying the principles I've learned (which are too numerous to list here) has been the single greatest challenge I've ever faced in my marriage. It's just plain hard to trust God enough to know that He'll work all things for His good and glory and I don't need to control things in order for everything to turn out o.k. Truthfully, it was rocky going at first. Matt and I seemed to be at odds instead of growing closer. Our equilibrium was off. Normal operating procedure was no longer in place because I was acting so differently. I think we've turned a corner, though, and the Lord has been gracious and strengthened our bond.
Do I still mess up and say and do things I shouldn't? Oh yes, but now I'm quicker to recognize it and ask God and Matt for forgiveness. As I've said before, sanctification is a process, one that will continue until the day I see Jesus face to face. Yet, by applying God's principles to my marriage, I have been given a little piece of Heaven on earth. This is a true saying: Obedience to God's Word always brings blessing.
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