Hard Lessons II

The second lesson I learned was this: Satan likes to kick you when you're down. Jesus called Satan a "liar and the Father of lies." (Jn 8:44 ) Satan specializes in shooting his arrows at our weak points and he succeeded (at least temporarily) at hitting a couple of mine.

Satan began to whisper in my ear that the reason I miscarried was because of my own personal sin. I repeatedly begged the Lord to show me what I couldn't see about myself. "Show me my sin, so that I can confess and repent of it." Then one day in my morning Bible reading I read about Joshua the priest in the book of Zechariah.

Then he showed me Joshua the high priest standing before the angel of the LORD, and Satan standing at his right side to accuse him. The LORD said to Satan, "The LORD rebuke you, Satan! The LORD, who has chosen Jerusalem, rebuke you! Is not this man a burning stick snatched from the fire?"

Now Joshua was dressed in filthy clothes as he stood before the angel. The angel said to those who were standing before him, "Take off his filthy clothes." Then he said to Joshua, "See, I have taken away your sin, and I will put rich garments on you." (Zech. 3:1-3)

Satan was right, at least partially. I am a sinner. However, I'm a sinner saved by grace through faith in Jesus Christ. The Lord reminded me of this important truth that morning.

Another weak point for me has been my long held fear of being a bad mother. Since I had my firstborn, Grace, I've been petrified of not being up to the task of motherhood. I constantly ask Matt to correct me if I'm out of line. So Satan began to whisper in my ear that the reason I miscarried was that I am a bad mother and I don't deserve anymore children. I'm not perfect. I lose my temper at times. There are times when I succumb to laziness and don't follow through on discipline. I know I make many other mistakes as a mother. In these instances I ask for the Lord's forgiveness and I pray for strength to continue mothering our children.

It was my dear husband, Matt, who got me to stop listening to the "bad mother" lie. He of all people knows how I labor to be a good wife, mom and homeschooler. He said, "Melissa, they say that the best Navy Seals are the guys that struggled all through the training. Not the guys who got through without a bunch of setbacks, but the guys who struggled all the way through." I thought, "Well I certainly qualify as a 'struggler.' " I've often had to watch my heart and not compare myself to other women who seem to be the perfect wives and homeschool moms. My journey has not been easy, but I have been obedient to the Lord's call and He has blessed our family richly because of it.

The lessons the Lord had to teach me where not yet done. In late spring of this year, the Lord began to show me even more about Himself.