Hard Lessons III

This past spring, as our family was wrapping up the study of John through Bible Study Fellowship, the Lord revealed more of Himself to me. We spent about three weeks studying Jesus' crucifixion. We studied every gospel account of this historical event, not just the account found in John. I don't think I've ever studied the crucifixion in this manner before and I was really impacted by it.

The Lord showed me in a way I had never understood before just how much He suffered for me on the cross. The mockings, the beatings, the scourgings. His nakedness. His becoming the deepest, darkest sin ever imaginable. All for me, so that I would not have to take the punishment for which I am so deserving because of my sin. I was completely humbled. I prayed, "Lord, I know I have a deeper understanding of your death, but I also know my knowledge of what You endured is only the tip of the iceberg."

Jesus conquered sin and death on the cross. The one verse the Lord had continued to bring to my mind since the miscarriage rang in my ears as I studied Jesus' crucifixion and resurrection.
"Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?" (1 Cor. 15:55)

Near the very end of our study of John, we contemplated the disciple Peter. Peter was sure he was willing to die for Jesus a few chapters back, but then when Jesus was arrested, he denied His Lord three times. However, Jesus restored Peter early one morning on the shore of the lake (Jn 21:15-19). Jesus asked him three times, "Peter, do you love me?" The first two times Jesus asked the question, He used the Greek word "agapeo" for love. Agape love is unconditional love, unhindered by circumstance or others' responses. God possesses agape love for His people. Humans cannot love in this manner, unless empowered by the Holy Spirit to do so.

Peter answered Jesus by saying, "Lord, you know that I love you." Peter used the Greek word "philieo" in all three of his responses to Jesus' questions. Philia love denotes a loyalty to family or friends. Finally, Jesus asks Peter, "Do you philieo me Peter?" Peter, knowing himself and his lack of ability to agape love, answers in the affirmative.

I was so struck by this interchange between Jesus and Peter. I've known for years about the Greek variations of the word "love" that the two used in their conversation with one another. My light bulb moment came when I realized that the Lord was showing me how much I was like Peter. I had spent the entire year of Bible study thinking I was more like the contemplative John, not like the impulsive Peter.

Peter tried to serve the Lord in His own strength. He failed miserably, but the Lord restored Peter. Peter knew his own weakness by the time he had the conversation with Jesus on the lake shore. The Lord showed me that I had been trying to serve Him in my own strength, just like Peter. I'm here to tell you, it doesn't work. Another lesson learned (I'm sure it won't be the last time I have to learn this lesson, though).

I thought ahead to the end of Peter's life. I have known for years that Peter refused to be crucified in the manner of His Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Instead, he insisted that he be crucified upside down. I was cut to the quick as I contemplated this truth. I believe that by the end of his life, Peter could say, "I agapeo You, Jesus." I pray the same can be said of me at the end of my days here on this earth.