I've been spending a lot of time in prayer in the middle of the night. The house is quiet then and my mind is settled enough that prayer comes more easily to me than it does during the day.
As I feel the baby moving in my womb, praise pours from my lips. A year ago I was pregnant, but I knew that something just wasn't quite right. After several doctor's appointments, my suspicions were confirmed. The pregnancy was not viable, yet I would have to wait nearly a month for that pregnancy to end. It was an agonizing experience, one I certainly wouldn't wish on anyone else.
According to my medical records, I'm of "advanced maternal age" and I am a "habitual aborter" (a term which I abhor, as I did not "choose" for four pregnancies to end prematurely). So this baby that is now in my womb is a miracle--God's miracle.
I have to admit that when I first found out I was pregnant with this child I was terrified. I convinced myself that I would miscarry again and according to my calculations based on past experiences, the miscarriage would take place right at Christmas time. And then every one's Christmas would be ruined. Misery upon misery.
I sat down one day in December to help the kids with their BSF lessons and I read this: After these things the word of the Lord came to Abram in a vision: “Fear not, Abram, I am your shield; your reward shall be very great.” Gen.15:15
The peace of the Lord overcame me. I knew that no matter what, whether or not I miscarried, the Lord would be my shield. He would protect me and walk with me through whatever lay ahead. Two days after Christmas, I had my first ultrasound. Matt and I wept when we saw the teeny tiny heartbeat of our child.
When I found out at my twenty week ultrasound that the Lord had blessed us with another boy, I knew almost immediately that I wanted to name him Joseph, which means "God shall add another son."
I waited several months for Matt to agree to the name. It wasn't that he didn't like it, it's just that he had lots of other names he liked as well. We both agreed that all of the Josephs in the Bible were exemplary men of God--stronghold men. From the Joseph of Genesis who declared, “Do not fear, for am I in the place of God? As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today. So do not fear; I will provide for you and your little ones.” Gen.50-19-21, to the ever obedient Joseph, Jesus' earthly father, to Joseph of Arimathea, who buried Jesus in his own newly hewn tomb.
So we finally agreed that Joseph should be this little one's name. His middle name will be Athanasius. Athanasius was an early Church father who unwaveringly insisted on the deity of Christ. Though Christ was fully human, He was also fully divine and is not a created being of the Father (a heresy of the day). This doctrine is crucial, for if Christ was not fully God, yet fully man, He could not have been the perfect atoning sacrifice for our sins.
Soon, should all go as we anticipate, Matt and I will be holding Joseph Athanasius in our arms, exactly one year after we found out about the loss of another little one who is now in the arms of Jesus. We are both in awe of what God has done. Truly, He is good.
"He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted." Job 5:9
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