I've been wearing mostly skirts for two years now. In some homeschooling circles, women who wear skirts exclusively is very common place. I didn't start wearing skirts because I wanted to follow their fashion trend. In fact, for several years I rejected the idea entirely because I didn't see the Biblical basis for it.
One argument that I've heard posited to support the wearing of skirts by women is found in the book of Deuteronomy. “A woman shall not wear a man's garment, nor shall a man put on a woman's cloak, for whoever does these things is an abomination to the Lord your God." Deut. 22:5. I believe this verse refers very specifically to cross dressing. God created humans to be male and female and He did not intend for them to bend their gender roles. To say that this verse means that women should be so distinctly feminine that they should only wear skirts is incorrect, in my opinion.
Another argument I've heard in defense of women wearing skirts is the fact that gender roles are blurred in our society and that the push toward egalitarianism affects the way people dress. I would agree that unisex clothing has become more and more popular in recent years. My own experience bears this out. For instance, when I go to Goodwill to look for clothes for my kids, I often find girls' clothes in the boys' clothing area and vice versa. It's darn hard to tell the difference sometimes. The argument goes that in order to make a very clear distinction between the sexes, it's a good idea for women to wear skirts. I respect this point of view, but have not adopted it for myself.
"Biblical femininity" is another often touted phrase in defense of wearing skirts. Skirt wearing is often equated with femininity. While I do believe that Biblical femininity is sorely lacking in our society and in the Church, I don't believe that the wearing of skirts achieves it. To be fair, the folks who set forth the vision of Biblical femininity in homeschooling circles are primarily concerned with the heart, not the outward appearance.
I don't believe that in order to be feminine, a woman must wear only skirts. In fact, some of the most feminine dressers I know do not wear skirts all of the time. My mother-in-law is one of them. On the other hand, I see plenty of women who dress sloppily and take little care for their appearance (hello, women who go to Walmart in their p.j.s) and who as a result, are most certainly not feminine.
The argument in defense of Biblical femininity goes hand in hand with the concept of modesty in much of the homeschooling community. The modesty bandwagon is one on which our family definitely rides. Today's clothing styles for both woman and girls (not just teens) are shrink wrapped, breast bearing and barely covering the derriere. These clothes simply aren't modest. Period.
Call me naive, but I didn't know how men think until I was in my mid thirties. Through the reading of several good books and by asking many questions of my husband, I began to understand. When men see women who are dressed immodestly, they "fill in the rest of the picture."
As our girls got older, our family's standards for their dress got higher. Matt didn't want men to see his daughters in an ungodly way, so we began discussing with the girls their fashion choices. The rule in our house regarding whether a piece of clothing is appropriate or inappropriate is simply this: Daddy decides. When we strive to wear modest clothing, our family is also expressing a genuine concern for our Christian brothers (and unbelieving men, for that matter). We don't want to cause men to be tempted to sin. As Jesus said, lust is a sin that is akin to adultery (Matt. 5:27-28). That said, we do believe that men themselves are responsible for their own sin, we just don't want to make it easy for them to fall into it.
Our girls started wearing skirts most of the time more than three years ago. This decision was made by them of their own accord, without the influence of either Matt or me. The benefit of their decision is that it has simplified the problem of deciding whether a piece of clothing is modest or not. Questions like, "Are these jeans too tight? Or too low-waisted?" simply don't come up at our house.
All of the reasons listed above and even the fact that my daughters wore skirts everyday, did not convince me to overhaul my own wardrobe. However, I did have an experience which began to change the way I thought about skirts. It was when my good friend and spiritual mentor, Jenny, passed away from cancer.
As I prepared for her funeral, I realized I didn't have anything appropriate to wear to the service. I was used to wearing slacks and cardigans to church every Sunday, but that was as dressy as my attire got. I didn't have any kind of a dress or skirt to wear to the funeral. I ran all over town looking for these items. It was last minute and it was stressful. I thought, "Here I am, frantically trying to find something to wear to a dead woman's funeral, yet I hardly give any thought to what I wear when I worship my Living King every Sunday." From that time on, I wore skirts to church every week. That was five years ago.
When I say that I've been wearing skirts almost everyday for two years, I do mean two years (actually a bit more now). For Matt's fortieth birthday, I gave him the gift of changing my wardrobe. I knew it would be one of the best gifts I could give him. Let me be very clear, Matt never once told me, asked me or even intimated to me that he'd prefer I wear skirts all of the time. However, he did compliment me profusely on Sunday mornings and told me how beautiful I looked. He liked it when I took the time to dress up, style my hair and put on some make up. It was a simple thing that I could do to please him, so why not do it everyday?
Still, my decision to start wearing skirts regularly was really hard for me. As usual, the old idol of "What will people think?" rooted its ugly head. I didn't want to be seen as a hypocrite. I knew of women who wore jeans everyday, but would show up for the homeschooling conference wearing a dress or skirt. For this reason, I had persisted in wearing jeans to the conference for years. I didn't want to pretend to be someone I wasn't.
I was also very concerned about being perceived as legalistic if I wore skirts all of the time. I've been on the wrong side of that kind of legalism enough times in my life that I didn't want any part of it. I sought counsel from a good friend and sister in the Lord (one who does not wear skirts exclusively). She said, "Melissa, you have freedom in Christ to do what it is He has put on your heart to do." That sealed it for me. A few days before Matt's birthday, I made the decision to wear skirts most all of the time and I had peace with it. Matt is not legalistic in regards to clothing practices (I've known men who are), he just likes to see me in skirts. So my primary reason for wearing skirts is for my husband.
My secondary reason for wearing skirts is to support my daughters. They have a desire to dress modestly and I want to reinforce their decision. To say that I plan to wear skirts for the rest of my life would be a stretch. I can't predict the future and I don't know what the Lord will have for me further down the road, but for now, I'm comfortable with my decision.
Resources I've found to be helpful on the subject of modesty are: the books, Christian Modesty and the Public Undressing of America and Secret Keeper: The Delicate Power of Modesty. Michelle over at Liturgical Time wrote several excellent blog posts on the subject--find them here, here and here (be sure to follow the links in these posts--they are excellent as well.) Jessica Rey gave this short talk on The Evolution of the Swimsuit, which I thought was very good, too.
In my next post, I'll
share a bit more about the pitfalls my girls and I have encountered on
our skirt wearing journey and how we've tried to avoid them.
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