Challenging Ground Floor Assumptions

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:1-2

The other day, a friend and I were lamenting the fact that we've been receiving so many comments about having a "teenager" in the house. Her eldest is turning 13. Our Gracie will be 13 in four months. For the past year, Matt and I have had many people comment in jest or in true concern about the impending "adolescenthood" that's coming to our family.

Over the last half a dozen years, through the diligent study of God's Word and the counsel of mature Christians, Matt and I have had many of our "ground floor assumptions" challenged. "My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are my ways your ways," says the Lord. Through God's grace, we've made many changes in the operation of our family because of these truths which we have learned.

One of our "ground floor" assumptions was that as soon as our kids hit about age 12, we should expect moodiness, aloofness and rebellion. Then we were challenged in this thinking by God's Word. One sermon, in particular, had much to do with this change in our thinking. Dr. S.M. Davis, pastor of a Baptist church in Illinois, gave a sermon entitled, "What to Expect of a 12 Year Old." In the sermon, he cited numerous historical examples from preachers to sea navigators to great men of our nation, including George Washington and Abraham Lincoln who were pursuing greatness in their teen years. The term adolescence, Davis says, has only become a part of our culture in recent times. For most of this nation's history, young people were taught to become adults, not expected to go through a time of rebelliousness as some sort of rite of passage into adulthood.

The strongest example Davis gave in this sermon was that of our Lord Jesus Christ. When Jesus was 12, He traveled to Jerusalem with His family for the Passover Feast. It wasn't until one day into the return trip home that Mary and Joseph realized Jesus wasn't among their company. By the time Mary and Joseph found Him, He had been on His own for five days. During this time He had taken care of His basic bodily needs on His own and was found in the company of godly men in the temple. If we are to be conformed to the image of Jesus, then we should follow His example, even at the young age of 12.

For the past year, I have taken Grace more closely under my wing. We've talked about many "ground floor" assumptions our society has about kids her age. We've talked about the well-meaning advice Matt, Grace and I have received. "She needs her privacy." Grace has her privacy for bathroom, dressing and devotional time. "She needs her own room." We've found that Grace sharing a room with her sister has been a blessing. I've informally polled women from my grandparents' era, many of whom had to share a room with a sibling, and they've all said they wouldn't trade the late night conversations and closeness they shared. "She needs to express her own style in her dress." Grace does have much to say about the way she dresses. However, most of the clothes marketed to young girls these days is too tight and too revealing. We've had extensive conversations about modesty and about not defrauding her future husband by putting her body out there for all to see. "She needs her own life." Grace has pursued her interests in music, sewing, etc. Yet, she is a member of this family. We function as a family, not as individual fragments.

Grace has also been under my tutelage in more practical areas as well. She helps me with meal preparation, canning, shopping (and looking for the best prices), housework and childcare. Someday, Lord willing, Grace will have her own family that she'll be raising for the glory of God. She will need these skills to manage her own household. Do I expect Grace to do all of these things well and without exception? No. She's only 12, but Matt and I are training her with godly womanhood as the goal.

Am I too naive to think that we won't have problems with moodiness and selfishness? No, we all by nature are sinful and unclean. Do hormones play a factor? Most definitely they do. I'm 37 and I'm still at the mercy of my hormones at times. We give each other grace and space during these times. Am I dreading the impending doom of the teenage years? Absolutely not. I'm seeing all that the Lord has done and is doing in my Gracie's life and I praise Him for it.